(Originally published as "On Existing and Becoming Human" in the book, "Days of My Life" in 1999. This essay was written in October 1990, after an earthquake devastated Baguio City and Northern Luzon on July 16, 1990, leaving thousands dead or homeless. The earthquake affirmed that Life does not make a distinction between the rich and the poor, the powerful and the oppresses. It also demanded that one be his/her brother's or sister's keeper. In a very real sense, writing this essay was my preparation for storms that tore me apart. It likewise describes what happened thereafter...)
When the things of youth - the fun, the spontaneity, the drive to climb a mountain, the desire to create, the vision to grow big and strong, the satisfaction of good company free from any pretense, the pleasure of acting and really believing one can be a sage or a saint - have to give way to desires to be better than the rest - which is "normal" when one grows older.
When one becomes a young adult, the world, as perceived in youth is lost, and when war games become real; ownership, the desire to have more, the satisfaction from winning and seeing the others vanquished seems more important to the rest...that unless one enjoys the company of a friend or a loved-one in mutual love and understanding, one may play a role devoid of meaning.
When one also realizes that even his loved-one needs to seek out her fortune apart from oneself; when all the love poems, the intimacy of the company, all the meaningful interludes become lost in oblivion, that one becomes hurt, dumbfounded and life becomes a matter of pointless struggle to just be not dead.
When in one's need to fill the void, one falls prey to satisfying carnal desires, seeking out sexual gratification, drugs, alcohol...to enable him to temporarily forget that his existence is drab and non-sensical...that one realizes he is trapped in crass materialism, in a lust for things fleeting.
When in married life, the kids and the spouse eventually outgrow the need for one's support...that they begin to be on their own to seek their fortune; that while the home is a temporary haven for the rearing of souls in love and harmony, it too shall pass, even as one becomes old, helpless, with no comfort from family and friends.
When, through hard work or plain luck, one reaches the top, becomes the power to reckon with, becomes, prosperous, that anything one wants, one gets...but then other than reaching the top, one realizes that there is no more challenge, no more worlds to conquer ...that one becomes obsessed with getting more than one needs, more so that one becomes fearful that his wealth and power may be taken away from him.
When natural calamities strike, such as a typhoon, an earthquake, drought, and a volcanic eruption, that one's life support system is cut off and the only choice is survival.
When all is lost - those which are cherished have to go: a loved-one, a grand work, a party. When after everything is said and done, then laughter, fun, satisfaction, they all fade away in whimpers and are forever gone.
And there remains only the self - in all its nakedness, devoid of all pretense, of all other attachments, not even an attachment to a man-made god.
Then and only then will one appreciate the Silence...
And in the stillness one realizes that life, as percieved, is just a passing though, a learning, a burning ground. That what are percieved as real are only shadows and silhouettes cast while one watches the flame in one's heart.
That the fun, the spontaneity ever present, are drawn forth from the fountain of youth, present even before one is born.
When the things of youth - the fun, the spontaneity, the drive to climb a mountain, the desire to create, the vision to grow big and strong, the satisfaction of good company free from any pretense, the pleasure of acting and really believing one can be a sage or a saint - have to give way to desires to be better than the rest - which is "normal" when one grows older.
When one becomes a young adult, the world, as perceived in youth is lost, and when war games become real; ownership, the desire to have more, the satisfaction from winning and seeing the others vanquished seems more important to the rest...that unless one enjoys the company of a friend or a loved-one in mutual love and understanding, one may play a role devoid of meaning.
When one also realizes that even his loved-one needs to seek out her fortune apart from oneself; when all the love poems, the intimacy of the company, all the meaningful interludes become lost in oblivion, that one becomes hurt, dumbfounded and life becomes a matter of pointless struggle to just be not dead.
When in one's need to fill the void, one falls prey to satisfying carnal desires, seeking out sexual gratification, drugs, alcohol...to enable him to temporarily forget that his existence is drab and non-sensical...that one realizes he is trapped in crass materialism, in a lust for things fleeting.
When in married life, the kids and the spouse eventually outgrow the need for one's support...that they begin to be on their own to seek their fortune; that while the home is a temporary haven for the rearing of souls in love and harmony, it too shall pass, even as one becomes old, helpless, with no comfort from family and friends.
When, through hard work or plain luck, one reaches the top, becomes the power to reckon with, becomes, prosperous, that anything one wants, one gets...but then other than reaching the top, one realizes that there is no more challenge, no more worlds to conquer ...that one becomes obsessed with getting more than one needs, more so that one becomes fearful that his wealth and power may be taken away from him.
When natural calamities strike, such as a typhoon, an earthquake, drought, and a volcanic eruption, that one's life support system is cut off and the only choice is survival.
When all is lost - those which are cherished have to go: a loved-one, a grand work, a party. When after everything is said and done, then laughter, fun, satisfaction, they all fade away in whimpers and are forever gone.
And there remains only the self - in all its nakedness, devoid of all pretense, of all other attachments, not even an attachment to a man-made god.
Then and only then will one appreciate the Silence...
And in the stillness one realizes that life, as percieved, is just a passing though, a learning, a burning ground. That what are percieved as real are only shadows and silhouettes cast while one watches the flame in one's heart.
That the fun, the spontaneity ever present, are drawn forth from the fountain of youth, present even before one is born.
That love, as trancendent, can go beyond the desire to own, where petty jealousies and quarrels are burned to nothingness. And the games people play - the wars, the killings, the feeling of separateness, the anxiety - have no real meaning, save to enable one to see the pettiness and childishness of what is acceptable as adult in the name of principles, but in reality, act borne out of ignorance of the Divine Plan.
That love heals the wounds of the crushed ego, nurtures the soul and enables one to see that all - the trees, the sky, the earth, the wind, water, fire - form part of a divine stage, where one plays a definite role in promoting the greatest glory of creation.
That the light, ever present in the little minds of humans shall be permitted to shine forth and guide the soul, enabling one to shed off the vestiges of the ego - the pride, the feeling that one is holier and better than the rest, and to realize one's true worth as a being of light, forever radiant and glorious as the Central Sun which is one's source.
That the true self manifests... the soul, together with the will and the power shared by all pure souls equally; such power being everpresent for the greatest glory of the Divine.
And going back to one's physical embodiment, lodged in a family, community and humanity, one realizes that nothing has really been lost - that the parting with things of the world was necessary to enable one to affirm the oneness of all; and in so doing, align oneself with the Great Ones for the restoration of the Divine Plan on earth.
Alas! One has to die, to leave behind the fleeting good life of an illusory world, stay in Silence, before one is born again in the fullness of living, where Love, Light, and Power reigns.
Such is the Silence that follows the Storm!
Love this!
ReplyDeleteThanks.
ReplyDeletei really love the way you write... thanks Ces. Tonet of PhilDHRRA days
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