Of Butterflies and Spiders
I have a fascination for spiders and butterflies. That fascination eventually turned into something more philosophical and personal. As it were, throughout my growing years, I gave meaning to their existence, beyond or deeper than it is biologically understood. I romanticize: nature must have communicated to me their meaning.
It all began in my neighborhood in Mabini St., Baguio City in the late 1950s and 1960s. At that time, there were only two buildings on the right side of Mabini St. from the vantage point of Session Road. The first and corner one to Session Road was the Philippine National Bank. The second, right at the center of Mabini St., was the Strike and Spare Lanes. (Now, Strike and Spare Lanes is Jack’s Restaurant.)
That second one was were I grew up. It was built from a mountain, which was dug. Its roof was leveled with the sorrounding mountain top. And all around the bowling building was a garden, which was regularly upkept by Manong Ben. The entrance to the bowling lane was entralling. From the street ground, you have to walk some three meters then climb seven steps to reach the inner sanctum, the waiting area or common space of the bowling lanes.
Imagine on both sides of the entrance is the garden, terraced into two layers, and with each terrace daftly filled with callalilies, with white flowers graciously sprouting from them. This was the home of the green caterpillars. And among the leaves of the callalilies was were the caterpillars weave their coccoon; to eventually emerge as butterflies – white ones; yellow ones; pink ones, all beautiful.
Imagine too the sorrounding mountain. It was festooned with sunflowers (marapait), ferns (marapako and lanot) and tall grass (ru-ut) and dandelions (blow-blow). This was the home of the spiders, the ants (ku-tun), the grasshoppers (du-dun) and various kinds of bugs (abal-abal). This was the landing ground of all those little tweeting birds. This was also the neighborhood "field of dreams." During those times, there were no malls. Everything came natural!
On countless ocassions, the boys and girls in the neighborhood come together to play on the mountain slopes. A favorite is the spider game. We go searching for spiders in the marapait forest and put them in empty match boxes. We know were to search. Usually, we look for the silk “saput” web as a tell-tale sign. We follow where it leads which is usually a crumpled brown marapait leaf with some saput in it. When we have gathered some ten spiders; we then pit spiders of the same size to a kin-ninit iti si-it or "duel in a stick."
Each spider was placed on both ends of the stick. When they walk to the center, they have their duel (kin-nit). Usually, the one who makes the first bite wins; the prey falls down but is saved from falling down by his web (saput). But as he climbs up; he faces another spectre. The winner weaves a coccoon around the looser. And that is the end of the match.
Spider X and Violet Butterfly
As the neighborhood boys and girls grew up, our beloved mountain was also leveled to the ground. Our “field of dreams” – the marapait, marapaku, dudun, butterflies and spiders - had to give way to cmmercial buildings and eateries. Except for the building, there was no remnant; not even the original Strike and Spare Lanes. I suppose the fascination for spiders and butterflies among my buddies also stopped. Not for me! It related to a particular incident.
Once, in a solitary visit to the mountain, I decided to lie down idly among the grass, to gaze at the sky. It was peaceful! It was quiet! I was calm! But as I shifted my gaze from the sky to the sorrounding quiet grass, I came to a presence. Just by my left side, was a spider web with, what we called Spider X, right at the center. It was fearfully beautiful, with its feet forming an X extending from its yellow-orange colored body. I was shocked out of my reverie. A spider X, among the neighborhood was foreboding. It was supposed to be poisonous and must be left untouched. And as I sat up; there were more shocks. There were some seven more webs with spider X’s sorrounding my little grass space. I was right in the middle of spider X territory. I did not even notice them the moment I lay down. Imagine my quiet fear! I couldn’t even shout! I just have to pray, to be spared of the onslaught of the Spider X domination.
Sometime after the incident, I realized that the spiders were not after me. They were just there as a natural event. Soon, they were gone; along with our field of dreams. Since then, I couldn’t find any spider X in Baguio City any more. But since then too, I used spiders as a gauge for events in my life. A big spider at an inappropriate place, such as my bedroom or bathroom signaled an impending danger. I would be extra-careful with my dealings with people. On the other hand, a butterfly that fluttered around me then resting at the palm of my hand or at my shoulder signaled that someone was taking care of the situation. These signals of impending danger or good tidings never failed; I trusted them like I trusted my instinct.
Two significant events in my life depicted what I mean.
In early 1995, I brought my spouse to the hospital for an operation; her right breast was removed. That same night, her dad was rushed in the same hospital. He died the following morning due to complications from old age (he was more than 80). During All Saints Day in November 1995, my spouse visited her dad’s grave. It dawned on her that her dad was forever gone. Her heart sank and all the courage she had in fighting her disease went like the wind. She fainted and stayed in the hospital. During her last day in the hospital, my kids and I had a most wonderful experience in the picnic grounds. We saw a butterfly fluttering about, carrying a big spider. My spouse died three days later at home.
In 1999, I married again. In 2000, when my new partner and I went up to Baguio for the holidays, we were met by an array of sunflowers and pine trees along the way, together with the fresh and cool breeze. When we reached home, a beautiful violet butterfly took time to flutter about. Then it gently rested on my outstretched palm. To my spouse’s wonderment, it fluttered again and rested on hers. In that fleeting moment, I felt my mom.
Hindsight: Butterflies and Spiders
I had always compared human living with that of a butterfly. One goes though life first as a caterpillar, trying to find meaning while sliding and inching one’s way among the leaves and flowers of the life’s garden. Then, as one encounters a major life crisis, such as a death in the family, a separation or simply a mid-life, one withdraws from the world and builds a coccoon. After some period of reflection and discernment, one breaks free from the darkness of one’s self-imposed isolation. He or she then breaks free as a fully human, fully alive person and flutter about like the beautiful butterfly.
I had also compared spiders with some foreboding. It is a predator. It catches its prey in its web and builds a coccoon around its unwilling victim. Depending on its web span, it reigns supreme. Some humans are like that.
Of late, I have come to view things differently. Although the butterfly is the hope for the flowers; the catterpillar eats up the leaves and flowers as sustenance. On the other hand, the spider and its web is the natural protection for the leaves and the flowers; its kind ensures a bountiful harvest. Both butterfly and spider form part of the grand ecosystem. They are vital to plant and animal life, like any other life form.
I am not afraid of spiders anymore. In a globalize world, the Internet is a global web that captures the collective knowledge of humanity. It links everyone. It also permits one to go back and reckon with his or her past as a take off for the present and future.
At a deeper level, an invisible web catches those who are not ready; that is, those who are fearful that their material possessions may be removed from them. But the invisible web likewise permits those who are prepared to proceed to a grander, more sentient life. The worldwide invisible web is the specter that looms; it is the “guardian of the threshold” which permits only those who broke their cocoon to enter.
At that instance, the butterfly is really the spider in its most glorious form.
I have a fascination for spiders and butterflies. That fascination eventually turned into something more philosophical and personal. As it were, throughout my growing years, I gave meaning to their existence, beyond or deeper than it is biologically understood. I romanticize: nature must have communicated to me their meaning.
It all began in my neighborhood in Mabini St., Baguio City in the late 1950s and 1960s. At that time, there were only two buildings on the right side of Mabini St. from the vantage point of Session Road. The first and corner one to Session Road was the Philippine National Bank. The second, right at the center of Mabini St., was the Strike and Spare Lanes. (Now, Strike and Spare Lanes is Jack’s Restaurant.)
That second one was were I grew up. It was built from a mountain, which was dug. Its roof was leveled with the sorrounding mountain top. And all around the bowling building was a garden, which was regularly upkept by Manong Ben. The entrance to the bowling lane was entralling. From the street ground, you have to walk some three meters then climb seven steps to reach the inner sanctum, the waiting area or common space of the bowling lanes.
Imagine on both sides of the entrance is the garden, terraced into two layers, and with each terrace daftly filled with callalilies, with white flowers graciously sprouting from them. This was the home of the green caterpillars. And among the leaves of the callalilies was were the caterpillars weave their coccoon; to eventually emerge as butterflies – white ones; yellow ones; pink ones, all beautiful.
Imagine too the sorrounding mountain. It was festooned with sunflowers (marapait), ferns (marapako and lanot) and tall grass (ru-ut) and dandelions (blow-blow). This was the home of the spiders, the ants (ku-tun), the grasshoppers (du-dun) and various kinds of bugs (abal-abal). This was the landing ground of all those little tweeting birds. This was also the neighborhood "field of dreams." During those times, there were no malls. Everything came natural!
On countless ocassions, the boys and girls in the neighborhood come together to play on the mountain slopes. A favorite is the spider game. We go searching for spiders in the marapait forest and put them in empty match boxes. We know were to search. Usually, we look for the silk “saput” web as a tell-tale sign. We follow where it leads which is usually a crumpled brown marapait leaf with some saput in it. When we have gathered some ten spiders; we then pit spiders of the same size to a kin-ninit iti si-it or "duel in a stick."
Each spider was placed on both ends of the stick. When they walk to the center, they have their duel (kin-nit). Usually, the one who makes the first bite wins; the prey falls down but is saved from falling down by his web (saput). But as he climbs up; he faces another spectre. The winner weaves a coccoon around the looser. And that is the end of the match.
Spider X and Violet Butterfly
As the neighborhood boys and girls grew up, our beloved mountain was also leveled to the ground. Our “field of dreams” – the marapait, marapaku, dudun, butterflies and spiders - had to give way to cmmercial buildings and eateries. Except for the building, there was no remnant; not even the original Strike and Spare Lanes. I suppose the fascination for spiders and butterflies among my buddies also stopped. Not for me! It related to a particular incident.
Once, in a solitary visit to the mountain, I decided to lie down idly among the grass, to gaze at the sky. It was peaceful! It was quiet! I was calm! But as I shifted my gaze from the sky to the sorrounding quiet grass, I came to a presence. Just by my left side, was a spider web with, what we called Spider X, right at the center. It was fearfully beautiful, with its feet forming an X extending from its yellow-orange colored body. I was shocked out of my reverie. A spider X, among the neighborhood was foreboding. It was supposed to be poisonous and must be left untouched. And as I sat up; there were more shocks. There were some seven more webs with spider X’s sorrounding my little grass space. I was right in the middle of spider X territory. I did not even notice them the moment I lay down. Imagine my quiet fear! I couldn’t even shout! I just have to pray, to be spared of the onslaught of the Spider X domination.
Sometime after the incident, I realized that the spiders were not after me. They were just there as a natural event. Soon, they were gone; along with our field of dreams. Since then, I couldn’t find any spider X in Baguio City any more. But since then too, I used spiders as a gauge for events in my life. A big spider at an inappropriate place, such as my bedroom or bathroom signaled an impending danger. I would be extra-careful with my dealings with people. On the other hand, a butterfly that fluttered around me then resting at the palm of my hand or at my shoulder signaled that someone was taking care of the situation. These signals of impending danger or good tidings never failed; I trusted them like I trusted my instinct.
Two significant events in my life depicted what I mean.
In early 1995, I brought my spouse to the hospital for an operation; her right breast was removed. That same night, her dad was rushed in the same hospital. He died the following morning due to complications from old age (he was more than 80). During All Saints Day in November 1995, my spouse visited her dad’s grave. It dawned on her that her dad was forever gone. Her heart sank and all the courage she had in fighting her disease went like the wind. She fainted and stayed in the hospital. During her last day in the hospital, my kids and I had a most wonderful experience in the picnic grounds. We saw a butterfly fluttering about, carrying a big spider. My spouse died three days later at home.
In 1999, I married again. In 2000, when my new partner and I went up to Baguio for the holidays, we were met by an array of sunflowers and pine trees along the way, together with the fresh and cool breeze. When we reached home, a beautiful violet butterfly took time to flutter about. Then it gently rested on my outstretched palm. To my spouse’s wonderment, it fluttered again and rested on hers. In that fleeting moment, I felt my mom.
Hindsight: Butterflies and Spiders
I had always compared human living with that of a butterfly. One goes though life first as a caterpillar, trying to find meaning while sliding and inching one’s way among the leaves and flowers of the life’s garden. Then, as one encounters a major life crisis, such as a death in the family, a separation or simply a mid-life, one withdraws from the world and builds a coccoon. After some period of reflection and discernment, one breaks free from the darkness of one’s self-imposed isolation. He or she then breaks free as a fully human, fully alive person and flutter about like the beautiful butterfly.
I had also compared spiders with some foreboding. It is a predator. It catches its prey in its web and builds a coccoon around its unwilling victim. Depending on its web span, it reigns supreme. Some humans are like that.
Of late, I have come to view things differently. Although the butterfly is the hope for the flowers; the catterpillar eats up the leaves and flowers as sustenance. On the other hand, the spider and its web is the natural protection for the leaves and the flowers; its kind ensures a bountiful harvest. Both butterfly and spider form part of the grand ecosystem. They are vital to plant and animal life, like any other life form.
I am not afraid of spiders anymore. In a globalize world, the Internet is a global web that captures the collective knowledge of humanity. It links everyone. It also permits one to go back and reckon with his or her past as a take off for the present and future.
At a deeper level, an invisible web catches those who are not ready; that is, those who are fearful that their material possessions may be removed from them. But the invisible web likewise permits those who are prepared to proceed to a grander, more sentient life. The worldwide invisible web is the specter that looms; it is the “guardian of the threshold” which permits only those who broke their cocoon to enter.
At that instance, the butterfly is really the spider in its most glorious form.
Marissa Lamug: Butterflies are free and so are we!
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